


The Worst, Actually

by Kestrealbird



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: A Group of Idiots, A Spectrum, Asexual Tsuna because that deserves all my love, Bad Life Choices probably, Fon is a moron, Multi, Reborn and Tsuna are Good Brothers, Trans Fon, Verde is always tired thats a fact, fight me over these headcanons, its a motherfricking chatfic yall, nobody is straight sorry I dont make the rules, platonic love and cuddles, the romance is in the background, using petnames when you're angry is a mood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 15:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13860780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kestrealbird/pseuds/Kestrealbird
Summary: NelloJello: love me a woman who can kick my assFuckThisShit: #relatableBi-biker: I am instantly worried about you twoAKA: It's a Chatfic filled with regrets what else can I say





	The Worst, Actually

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is but I writ it anyway because Chatfics are my soul and I love Arco27 friendship shit so HERE WE ARE MY DUDES!!! I want to make a brief note that even though it isn't mentioned some changes were made to canon, most notably Reborn didn't hit Tsuna all the time because I hated that 'gag' with every fibre of my being. Oh and Tsuna didn't become the Boss of Vongola like he usually does hence why he's in university here because VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE

Espress-yourself: I swear to god if I hear one more remix of that fucking song I will shoot you myself

Bi-biker: it’s a good song, Reborn

Espress-yourself: die???

Bi-biker: jokes on you we’ve already done this

Tired™: what song is he playing

Espress-yourself: let it go but it’s a remix of the multilanguage version

Tired™: that exists?

Bi-biker: it does now

Tired™: im concerned

Espress-yourself: i feel like that's just a constant state for us

Tired™: it’s true but you shouldn’t say it

NelloJello: what is UP my BITCHES

Bi-biker: h

Do-Not: why are you like this

KickassRegrets: i don't know what i expected honestly

Do-Not: Lal

Do-Not: what happened

XFiles: I don't know I’m not there

Espress-yourself: …..

Espress-yourself: Tsuna

FuckThisShit: in our defense

KickassRegrets: this should be good

FuckThisShit: shush. In our defence we were bored and it looked like candy

Do-Not: omg

XFiles: I

XFiles: are you telling me my boyfriend is  _ high _

FuckThisShit: :’) ah

Tired™: what did he do

FuckThisShit: gotta b l a s t

XFiles: TSUNA WHAT THE FUCK 

Bi-biker: I’m worried and intrigued

NelloJello: DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT LAL COULD SNAP MY HEAD WITH HER THIGHS AND I’D BE THANKFUL BECAUSE I WOULD LET HER DO THAT

Do-Not: oh boy

Espress-yourself: I’m leaving

KickassRegrets: what's he wearing

XFiles: ….yellow duck boxers and that's

XFiles: no wait he’s also got his bandana on but that's it

Tired™: wrow

Do-Not: Stop

 

NelloJello: I have

NelloJello: so many regrets

KickassRegrets: don't steal my name you fuck

FuckThisShit: shame I got it all on video

NelloJello: N O PLEASE

Do-Not: how much for the video

NelloJello: DON'T DO IT

Do-Not: how much for the video Tsuna

FuckThisShit: 500 euros

Do-Not: done and dusted

FuckThisShit: thanks

Tired™: I can't believe this

Bi-biker: you’re a bad influence

FuckThisShit: the problem with that is I have no idea which of them you’re talking about

Bi-biker: shit

Tired™: Reborn

Bi-biker: no it was Viper but he works too

Espress-yourself: betrayed in my own home

KickassRegrets: get used to it

Espress-yourself: oh bitch???

Do-Not: job just came in so don't try talking to me for the next 48 hours

KickassRegrets: noted

FuckThisShit: how do you tell someone to fuck off, but like, politely?

Tired™: with all due respect: fucketh off 

FuckThisShit: oh damn it worked

KickassRegrets: you actually said it?

FuckThisShit: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Bi-biker: do you seriously just have those as shortcuts or smth

FuckThisShit: theres an app for it

Bi-biker: of course there is

XFiles: do you mind if I uhhhh play some tunes

Bi-biker: depends on the tune

XFiles: anything that isn’t your playlist

Bi-biker:  _ excuse you my playlist is amazing _

KickassRegrets: the duck song isn't culture, Skull

Bi-biker: betrayed in my own home

Tired™: I just walked past Mukuro’s room and heard a wet slapping sound wtf

FuckThisShit: its the slime

FuckThisShit: *blood goddamn

Tired™: i don't know which is worse

Espress-yourself: slime

KickassRegrets: slime

NelloJello: slime

Tired™: alright damn

FuckThisShit: ah the BROT3 strikes again

NelloJello: i actually feel flattered??

KickassRegrets: aww we’re a threesome

NelloJello: nvm I take it back

KickassRegrets:  _ you can't escape the truth _

NelloJello: it was one time, Fon

FuckThisShit: one time with all of you or just one time with him

NelloJello: ANYWAY

KickassRegrets: ANYWAY

Espress-yourself: all of us

NelloJello: T R A I T O R

 

FuckThisShit: why won't Dreamworks give Shiro the ass that he deserves

FuckThisShit: damn wrong chat

XFiles: no I agree if they’re gonna give him The Tiddy they gotta Commit With The Ass

FuckThisShit: BIG MOOD HONESTLY

XFiles: have you seen season 5 yet?

FuckThisShit: no I gotta do work or some bullshit :/

Espress-yourself:  _ listen _

XFiles: too late I’m stealing him so we can watch it together

FuckThisShit: oh nice

Espress-yourself: i hate you all

XFiles: love you too

 

NelloJello: since bees suck the nectar out of flowers does that mean flowers get blowjobs?

KickassRegrets: hey, yeah, what the actual FUCK does this mean?

Espress-yourself: yes it does and I hate you for pointing it out to me

NelloJello: :’)

KickassRegrets: die???

NelloJello: nah I think I’m god for now

Espress-yourself: *good

NelloJello: did I fucking stutter

KickassRegrets: the worst friend ever

FuckThisShit: is Verde a furry

NelloJello: wh

FuckThisShit: asking for a friend

NelloJello: is the friend Mukuro

FuckThisShit:  _ asking for a friend _

Espress-yourself: not to my knowledge

KickassRegrets: search me

Bi-biker: yes

Bi-biker: he has his own fursona on his desk

FuckThisShit: …

NelloJello: excuse me while I bleach my e y e s

Espress-yourself: I don't know what to do with this information

FuckThisShit: oh mood?

Bi-biker: you don't have the right to complain, Tsuna

FuckThisShit: I’m not I just didn’t expect this

Espress-yourself: you didn't expect him to be good w kids either yet here we are

FuckThisShit:  _ he uses the baby voice _

Bi-biker: as his boyfriend I can confirm

KickassRegrets: YOU'RE DATING!?

Bi-biker: YES??? WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR LITERAL YEARS???

FuckThisShit: how did you not know this

KickassRegrets: I don't want to hear that from you

Espress-yourself: you know he just

Espress-yourself: played that up for laughs right??

Bi-biker:  _ Wait _

NelloJello: my life is a lie

FuckThisShit: lmao why wouldn't I recognize him he had Leon

Espress-yourself: is that really my defining trait to you?

FuckThisShit: the main one yes

Bi-biker: what about his fedora? 

FuckThisShit: basic

Espress-yourself: wow just tell me how you  _ really _ feel

FuckThisShit: disappointed in Bermuda

NelloJello: afbnmuoyggrfs

KickassRegrets: no I completely understand his looks were,,,underwhelming

Bi-biker: he looks like Leon

Espress-yourself: don't make me shoot you

FuckThisShit: yall were straight tens at least so I expected a 20 :/

Bi-biker: never say “yall” ever again

NelloJello: why cuz ur the American

Bi-biker:  _ british _ american you welsh prick

NelloJello: wrow

KickassRegret: vine was a mistake

Espress-yourself: which of us is the most attractive to you then?

FuckThisShit: oh wow look at that I have an art course in about five mins gotta blast

KickassRegrets:  _ we deserve to know the truth _

Bi-biker: oh god

Tired™: why are you all like this

NelloJello: why are  _ you _ still friends with us

Tired™: a mistake on my part

Bi-biker: savage

 

FuckThisShit: Reborn

FuckThisShit: sweetheart

FuckThisShit: honey

Espress-yourself: omg whatever I did I’m sorry please stop using pet names it’s terrifying

Tired™: I’d like to argue but

FuckThisShit: why

FuckThisShit: is there blood

Espress-yourself: shit

FuckThisShit: ALL OVER MY CARPET DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WASH OUT BLOOD STAINS YOU MOTHERFUCKER

Espress-yourself: ….in my defence

FuckThisShit: You Have Five Seconds

Espress-yourself: FUCK

NelloJello: I never thought I’d see the day

XFiles: I’m sobbing

Do-Not: this is the best thing I could’ve possibly come back to

Tired™: are we all ignoring the fact that Tsuna lives in a dorm in an art university which means Reborn  _ specifically had to look for that room _

Do-Not: Tsuna is a safe-space I think

KickassRegrets: It’s true

KickassRegrets: he won't admit it but his first response to getting hurt or needing to hide somewhere for a bit is ‘Tsuna’s place’

NelloJello: aw that's so sweet

Do-Not: can’t relate I prefer the solitude

XFiles: that's bullshit we all know you run to Fon and vice-versa

KickassRegrets: damn just call us out like this

NelloJello: it’s just how it be

Bi-biker: wait

Bi-biker: if he lives in a dorm doesn't that mean he has a roommate

FuckThisShit: not anymore

Bi-biker: I

Bi-biker: what hte fukc

FuckThisShit: they disturbed my creative process :/

Tired™: that makes sense

Bi-biker: oh

Do-Not: ignoring the fact that Tsuna is low-key terrifying has anyone seen Lichi cuz she stole my cape again

KickassRegrets: isn’t she with Falco?

NelloJello: thought I recognized that blanket

Do-Not: did u really just call my cape a blanket

NelloJello: its v warm

Do-Not: blocked

FuckThisShit: also I don't?? Think?? That I’m a safe space for him??

KickassRegrets: 

KickassRegrets: Reborn describe your relationship with Tsua

Espress-yourself: ….brothers

FuckThisShit: o h I ne ed to u m

XFiles: amazing

Bi-biker: wait so why was he using pet names then?

Tired™: he does that when he Isn't Happy

FuckThisShit: I don't use any kind of endearment on Iemitsu though 

XFiles: Iemitsu who???

NelloJello: he sounds fake

Bi-biker: don't know him

Do-Not: Sir McDoesn’tExist

Tired™: Big Mood

FuckThisShit: vkmdbhrsnhmj i love y

Espress-yourself: why won't you let me shoot him

KickassRegrets: is he really worth the effort?

Espress-yourself: ://////

FuckThisShit: record it for me if you do

Espress-yourself: nice

Tired™: goddamn you really are brothers

Espress-yourself: I already have the adoption papers he just won't sign them for me like can you believe that??? After everything we’ve done for each other he’s brother blocking me??

XFiles: ‘brother blocking’ o m g

NelloJello: l o l

 

Bi-biker: hey Tsuna how come you don't wear suits

FuckThisShit: hhhhhhh I look bad in them

XFiles: he really does

NelloJello: you could say

XFiles: hoe don't do it

NelloJello: they don't  _ suit _ him :D

XFiles: I’m getting a divorce

NelloJello: we aren't married

XFiles: not yet we aren’t

NelloJello: why did that sound like a threat

XFiles: good

Bi-biker: how did you two even fall for each other anyway?

XFiles: he genuinely wanted to learn more about my Indian heritage

Bi-biker: aw

NelloJello: love me a woman who can kick my ass

FuckThisShit: #relatable

Bi-biker: I am instantly worried about you two

NelloJello: we’re surviving

FuckThisShit: barely

Tired™: amen to that

Bi-biker: when was the last time you slept

Tired™: um,,,three days ago? Maybe four??

Bi-biker: 

Bi-biker: why do I love you, you actual disaster

Tired™: it’s the Genius Life

Bi-biker: I’m coming over right now to make you r e s t

NelloJello: hell yeah go get your mans

FuckThisShit: the only mans i stans is T’challa

XFiles: that's unfair because nobody can beat T’challa

FuckThisShit: guess I’ll die single then lmao

XFiles: understandable

Bi-biker: back to the suits what do you wear to be ‘formal’ then?

FuckThisShit: dresses, kimono, skirts or just

FuckThisShit: my All Black Outfit (plus Reborn’s Fedora)

Do-Not: I don't recommend it because Byakuran saw you in The Outfit once and Yuni told me that he had a gay crisis for a month afterwards

FuckThisShit: v,khmrhtjdjdjrjmkhm

XFiles: kill him with style

Do-Not: Life Goals honestly

 

Bi-biker: there was a trans lion in the news today

KickassRegrets: excuse me??

Bi-biker: ‘female lion starts growing a mane at age 18’

Do-Not: can't believe Fon is actually part lion

KickassRegrets: I stan my fellow trans folk 

Do-Not: you were 18 when you transitioned too right?

KickassRegrets: yes!! Verde did the operations for me!!

Tired™: oh yeah forgot that’s how we met

Bi-biker: sleep

Tired™: make me

Bi-biker: k then

Do-Not: rip

 

FuckThisShit: can yall believe there are people who still think you’re all straight

Bi-biker: What Did I Say

FuckThisShit: yaint making me change shit

Bi-biker: cursed

Espress-yourself: am I not Pan enough???

NelloJello: look I know me and Lal have a preference for the opposite sex but we’re still???? Bi as hell??

KickassRegrets: Poly as hell with no preference

Do-Not: men mostly but sometimes other genders

Bi-biker: Demi-Gay

Tired™: Gray as fuck with no preference

FuckThisShit: than you for the unneseccary additions to all this but anyWAY 

FuckThisShit: do you have any idea how many girls have walked up to me in this dorm and asked me if my ‘hot brother’ is single???

Espress-yourself: oh 

Do-Not: so much for subtlety

FuckThisShit: they keep asking me about your gender too, Mammon

Do-Not: what did you say

FuckThisShit: ‘none of your business ask them yourself’

Do-Not: tell them it depends on the day I wanna see how they respond

Tired™: how do some of you tell the difference so easily anyway

Do-Not: Hood up - Male - Mammon. Hood down - Female - Viper

Tired™: gotcha

 

NelloJello: sharks have two dicks

Bi-biker: ….you read the SidLink stuff didn’t you?

NelloJello:  _ how does Link survive it _

FuckThisShit: determination

Bi-biker: vmbkrtnjyrjazha 

NelloJello: I’d like to see one of  _ you _ survive it

FuckThisShit: I’m too Asexual for that nonsense

Bi-biker: f a i r

NelloJello: understandable have a nice day

 

FuckThisShit: you tell me to have a nice day and then pULL ME INTO  A MOTHERFUCKING GUN FIGHT

NelloJello: oh come on they were already shooting in your direction

FuckThisShit: I was minding my own damn business until you grabbed me and  _ showed them i existed _

NelloJello: They were going to shoot at you anyway!

FuckThisShit: OH  _ BULL. SHIT!!! _

NelloJello: hey at least you’re safe

FuckThisShit: you’re lucky you didnt pull my hair out

NelloJello: that was Fon not me

KickassRegrets: yeah on this subject can I mention how weird it is that long hair suits you really well?? It’s so fluffy it’s like long cat fur or smth

FuckThisShit: Aesthetic™

Espress-yourself: you were too lazy to cut it weren’t you

FuckThisShit: absolutely

Bi-biker: are you in the sewers rn

FuckThisShit: yes and I swear there are turtles down here

Tired™: I hate that show they aren't turtles they’re fucking Tortoises

FuckThisShit: Teenage Mutant Ninja Tortoises doesn't have the same ring to it tho

Tired™: still inaccurate

KickassRegrets: there are no turtles here but I did just see an alligator

FuckThisShit: hwat the fukc

Bi-biker: oh ya America has loads of those in the sewers people just cover it up

FuckThisShit: HEY POLICE

KickassRegrets: you know damn well they won't help you

FuckThisShit: Let Me Dream

Espress-yourself: as lovely as this is we should, you know, get going before they catch up with us

FuckThisShit: 

FuckThisShit: there’s a Polish Casino nearby if that helps

NelloJello: h

Bi-biker: how did you even find that???

FuckThisShit: we’re in America how hard can it be

Espress-yourself: i know which one you’re talking about and it’s definitely a Mafia thing

FuckThisShit: aw man I really enjoyed their food tho :/ why couldn't they just be a nice old couple who likes gambling

Tired™: because they’re an old couple that likes gambling???

FuckThisShit: we all have our hobbies

Do-Not: don't bother trying to run from These Three btw it won't work

FuckThisShit: damn there goes that idea

XFiles: sigh

XFiles: wear a dress or something and pretend to be Fon’s little sister. I would say brother but again, suits don't look good on you

KickassRegrets: why not Reborn’s brother

XFiles: you really trust that?

KickassRegrets: point

Espress-yourself: hey hey what do you mean

Bi-biker: remember the Hotel Incident

FuckThisShit: that wasn't our fault

Espress-yourself: that wasn't our fault

NelloJello: Fon it is

 

Do-Not: hey Skull why is your name ‘Bi-biker’ when you aren't even Bi

Bi-biker: I couldn't resist the opportunity

Do-Not: that's fair

XFiles: do you think they’re still alive

Tired™: possibly

Do-Not:

Do-Not: how much you betting

Bi-biker: jfc

Do-Not: you saying you’re  _ not _ betting on this

Bi-biker: I’ll DM you the deets

Do-Not: thought so

 

NelloJello: so Tsuna isn't allowed to wear a dress anymore

Bi-biker: what why?

KickassRegrets: turns out he passes off as a ‘beautiful young maiden flower’ (their words not mine) way too easily

XFiles: okay??

KickassRegrets:  _ Reborns overprotective ass got involved _

Do-Not: :3c tell me more

KickassRegrets: I love you with all my heart Viper but please,,,,never use that emoji again

Do-Not: you better love me we’ve been married for five years

Espress-yourself: THEIR HAND WAS ON HIS WAIST FON!!! HIS WAIST!!!

KickassRegrets: IT WAS INNOCENT DANCING YOU PROTECTIVE BITCH

NelloJello: to be fair Tsuna did look really pretty and he’s a very good dancer

NelloJello: on the other hand shooting a Polish mafioso would’ve blown our cover so

Tired™: this whole chat is The Worst, Actually

**FuckThisShit** renamed the chat  **The Worst, Actually**

FuckThisShit: you’re welcome

Tired™: thanks I appreciate it

Do-Not: okay but did you escape unscathed

NelloJello: yeah we’re fine

Do-Not: damn there goes my bet

KickassRegrets: actually I got stabbed I think

Do-Not: You think!?

KickassRegrets: yeah I

KickassRegrets: I’m pretty sure this is my blood

Espress-yourself: Shit!

NelloJello: we’ll keep you updated gotta go

Do-Not: omw right now

 

Do-Not: he got himself stabbed in the fucking back and didn't even realize it

Tired™: it’s hard to see blood when you wear red all the time

Do-Not: he  _ didn't feel it _

Tired™: okay yeah that's concerning

Bi-biker: wow wonder how that feels

Do-Not: are you really doing this right now

Bi-biker: guess I am

Do-Not: dick

Bi-biker: you love me

Do-Not: unfortunately

NelloJello: you got here really quick tho

Do-Not: mist flames make great transportation

FuckThisShit: only if you’re connected to that person

Do-Not: don't expose me like this

NelloJello: how do you know that??

FuckThisShit: me and Mukuro and Chrome

Tired™: ah

Tired™: the unholy trinity

FuckThisShit: excuse you I’m pure as fuck

Tired™:

NelloJello:

Do-Not:

Bi-biker:

XFiles:

FuckThisShit: what did I do to deserve this treatment

Do-Not: dammit we don't have anywhere to stay while I deal with this moron’s wounds

FuckThisShit: ….goddamit fine you can hole up in my apartment for a while

Tired™: you have an apartment here??

FuckThisShit: temporarily. The University is letting me stay here until my current coursework is over

Bi-biker: damn wish my university had been like that

FuckThisShit: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

KickassRegrets: idk where all the others came from but you’re a very good cuddler Tsuna

FuckThisShit: thanks

FuckThisShit: now go back to sleep before Viper kicks you in the ribs again

KickassRegrets: worth it

Tired™: no it isn't

Bi-biker: motherfucker don't make me choke hold you

Tired™: cuddle me then

Bi-biker: I’m trying but you keep m o v i n g

Tired™: oh

XFiles: i don't think floors are meant for this purpose

Bi-biker: it’s a sleepover

Espress-yourself: it would be if everyone  _ actually went to sleep _

Espress-yourself: stop giggling Tsuna

FuckThisShit: sorry its just

FuckThisShit: Skull looks really cute when he’s pouting

Bi-biker: I DO NOT

XFiles: aannnd there goes sleep

XFiles: poof. Out the window

NelloJello: bye bye sleep you shall be missed

Espress-yourself: sigh

Espress-yourself: goddammit


End file.
